226: Feeling Good – What Matters and What Doesn’t – with David Burns

226: Feeling Good – What Matters and What Doesn’t – with David Burns

What can shift anxiety, depression, overwhelm, or simply feeling “down” – into feeling good, or even great? What are the hidden obstacles that get in the way? When it comes to improving your inner world, there are some things that consistently work. And there are other things that might help, but that aren’t nearly as effective. With more than 40 years of experience, Dr. David Burns, author of Feeling Good, returns to the show to reveal how his new “TEAM” approach helps you feel good – no matter what’s happening in your world.

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225: Overcoming Shame and Getting Real about Relationships

225: Overcoming Shame and Getting Real about Relationships

One of the biggest blocks to lasting intimacy is shame. Shame keeps us from being honest with ourselves, and our partners. And from truly owning what’s real for us – what we actually want. In today’s episode we’re going to cover some of the many ways that shame gets in the way – and we’ll also take a stand for what’s possible when we allow ourselves to get real – about what’s going right and what’s going wrong – in our lives. Let’s shine a light on the shadow – and free ourselves to be real with each other. And in the process we’ll free up all kinds of energy to get closer to what we truly desire.

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224: What Romance Novels Teach Us about Real-Life Love and Desire – with Mara Wells

224: What Romance Novels Teach Us about Real-Life Love and Desire – with Mara Wells

Life doesn’t always lead to Happily Ever After (or Happily For Now) – like a romance novel. However, romance novels tap into something deep in our heart and psyche – keeping us turning the pages to see just how it’s all going to unfold. You can use the lessons from fiction to craft your own personal love adventure. This week we’re talking to Mara Wells, author of Cold Nose, Warm Heart – about the craft of romance writing, to learn what fuels our real-life desires. You’ll avoid the mistakes that not only would destroy a good plot line – but that also would send a perfectly good relationship down the tubes. And you’ll get some ideas for how to keep the passion flowing when you’ve moved past seduction – to doing each other’s laundry.

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223: How to Boost Your Oxytocin for a Sense of Wellbeing – Even If You’re Solo – with Jessica Zager

223: How to Boost Your Oxytocin for a Sense of Wellbeing – Even If You’re Solo – with Jessica Zager

Sometimes you just need simple strategies to give yourself a boost. In today’s episode, we’re going to cover ways that you can increase your sense of wellbeing and connectedness – by harnessing your own biochemistry to foster oxytocin production. This can all be done solo – no partner required (though you can do them with a partner too). Our guest, Dr. Jessica Zager, is a Pelvic Health Physical Therapist, and one of only 5 physical therapists in the world with an AASECT certification in sex counseling. Along with these simple oxytocin-boosting strategies, you’ll also learn a bit about how pelvic floor physical therapy can help with pain during sex. It’s a lighthearted conversation full of practical ways to keep you feeling good, and connected, that you can use whenever…but especially during these times of social distancing.

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222: Hints to Improve Digital Intimacy and Stay Sane (and Connected) during a Lockdown

222: Hints to Improve Digital Intimacy and Stay Sane (and Connected) during a Lockdown

Sometimes all it takes is a simple adjustment to create a much deeper connection with another person. Today I’ll offer you some obvious-but-not-so-obvious ways to foster intimacy – whether you’re cooped up with another, or connecting digitally. In this episode I’m also sharing some of the ways that I create deep presence when I’m using video chat to communicate. Strategies you can always use that will come in handy as we social distance to slow the coronavirus pandemic. Simple stuff, with big results.

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221: Love in the Time of Coronavirus – COVID19 and Relationships

221: Love in the Time of Coronavirus – COVID19 and Relationships

How is coronavirus (COVID-19) impacting you? What are the implications of “social distancing” on your relationship – especially if you're cooped up together for weeks at a time? Or if you're single, how can you still enjoy dating while staying safe? In this week's episode, you'll get some strategies for taking care of yourself amidst the epidemic, with practical advice for staying calm – connected – and HEALTHY – while we weather the storm…together. Plus a few (mostly relevant) thoughts on “Love in the Time of Cholera” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Sending so much love to you!

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220: Reclaiming (and Enjoying) Your Sexual Self – Taking Sexy Back with Alexandra Solomon

220: Reclaiming (and Enjoying) Your Sexual Self – Taking Sexy Back with Alexandra Solomon

What turns you on, and what turns you off? How do you get past the messages about sex that have been handed to you by others – to discover your own personal sexuality that emerges from within? How do you own your deepest desires – and then communicate them to your partner in a way that stands the best chance of having them be realized? In today’s episode, we’re having a return visit from Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of the new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Our conversation will help you take your intimacy to a whole new level, so that your relationships can be satisfying in and out of the bedroom.

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219: Your Questions Answered – More on Judgment and Grieving

219: Your Questions Answered – More on Judgment and Grieving

It can be easy to avoid being judgmental with people that aren’t close to you, but what do you do when you feel yourself getting critical or testing the people with whom you’re the most vulnerable? How do you shift from judging back to connection? How do you deal with the pain that you might uncover when you own the fears at the heart of being judgmental? And what are some realistic expectations to have around the process of grieving? In this week’s episode I answer YOUR questions as a followup to a few of our earlier episodes.

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218: Sacred Instructions – Indigenous Wisdom for Your Relationship – with Sherri Mitchell

218: Sacred Instructions – Indigenous Wisdom for Your Relationship – with Sherri Mitchell

How do we heal ourselves, our relationships, and the world we live in – all at once? How has our society created rifts within us (and between us) that get in the way of fulfilling relationships? With indigenous wisdom that has been handed down over thousands of years, today’s guest will help you heal the splits in your life and develop deeper integrity. Her name is Sherri Mitchell, and she is the author of “Sacred Instructions: Indigenous Wisdom for Living Spirit-Based Change”. A member of the Penobscot Nation, Sherri has also been actively involved with indigenous rights and environmental justice for more than 25 years. Instead of turning a blind eye to the ways that our cultural legacy gets in the way of connection and healing, today we will walk together down a practical path of truth, healing, and spirit.

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217: How to Heal after a Breakup

217: How to Heal after a Breakup

How do you heal after a breakup or divorce? Whether you’re going through a breakup now, have been through a breakup and still have some cleanup work to do, or…well…maybe you will be going through a breakup at some point in the future…this episode is for you. No matter which way you slice it – the ending of a relationship can be challenging. There are a lot of “right” ways to heal your heart – and some wrong ways. My goal is to keep you from making common post-breakup mistakes so that you don’t make it any harder on yourself than it has to be – and we’ll dispel some myths along the way.

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Podcast Reviews

  • Love this pod!
    February 28, 2020 by Charlotte in Seattle from United States

    Such a gem of a podcast. Neil has such an empathic and soothing style that makes me think not just about my relationships, but also myself as an individual. The guests are high profile from psychology and relationship circles. When I’m upset about life, I turn on this pod and find solace with Niel and his wonderfully knowledgeable interviewees. It has helped me become a more vulnerable, loving, and considerate person, not only to others but myself as well.

  • Episode 213
    February 21, 2020 by Cory1388 from United States

    This episode is down right amazing. As I listened to it I reflected on my life and wow did I see how I was that person that would go straight into my defense and blame others for my own stuff. Thank you for all that you do and helping everyone out there with relational well being.

  • I Love the Guidance
    February 8, 2020 by Kendra Charts from United States

    I recently started listening to this podcast and found Neil's transparency about his own life and relationship honest, real and relatable. I loved the podcast episode about judgement and found it so helpful how he offered strategies and walked the listener through it step by step. By the end of the episode I had several perspective shifts and insighful reflections. Highly recommend!

  • Thank you sincerely from me heart
    December 17, 2019 by The Fwa Fwa from United States

    So much gratitude for all that Neil and his guests offer to all of us wanting to better our relationships and in that our lives!! I feel like my relationships have done a 180 and in large part to the many helpful and vulnerable sharings on this show. I have read many books from many of the guest on this podcast. Highly suggest it. I found out a lot more about myself in that. And was able to find healing in surprising places. I have found Neil’s personal life sharings an incredibly helpful tool. A feeling of not alone, a hopefulness to change and in that, know myself better. I have been inspired to meet my fear in honest relationship, even if it causes me pain. Thank you Neil, thank you for for being vulnerable, growing and sharing your journey ☺️ R.L.S.S.

  • Incredibly impactful
    July 29, 2019 by lolkjt92 from United States

    This is my first time listening to this podcast. I was activity searching for something like this in efforts to have a healthy, intimate, real relationship and this gem happened to pop up! I have to say Neil really does have such amazing content on here. I am sooooo grateful for this podcast, it has helped me immensely with communication with my partner and I have to give this podcast credit for helping me pave such a respectful path for my new relationship. I am spreading the word and I am excited to keep learning and growing! Thank you Neil! I recently downloaded the free guide for secret tips on communication and I am soo eager to read it! My partner and I are using many of the tools I learned here. If you have a chance listen to relationship Alive! You won’t regret it 🧡