Modern dating can be so challenging. Simply finding good people is challenging. Knowing how to take a relationship to the next level, when to commit, or when to get out of a relationship so that you can find something better – that’s challenging! Today we’re going to focus on all the ways that you can get out of your own way, and use the power of behavioral science to make better choices and break old patterns as you navigate the world of modern love. Our guest is Logan Ury, author of the new book “How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science that Will Help You Find Love”. You’ll find that there are all sorts of ways for you to adjust what you do to make the kinds of decisions that lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections.
When you want to shift something in your life, sometimes the scale of the change can seem daunting. So how do you get from point A to point B (or…point Z) in a way that’s actually doable – and sustainable? It can be tempting to take drastic actions to make big changes – but you might sabotage your changes by falling into your old habits. Today we’ll talk about how you can create positive changes in your relationship, or something else in your life, in a way that’s practical, and relatively easy – no matter how big the change.
Are ultimatums ever a good idea? If so – when? If not, what can you do instead? What should you do if you receive an ultimatum from your partner? And how do you undo the damage that an ultimatum can do to a relationship? In this episode, we’re going to cover all the ins and outs of what to do when you come up against a dealbreaker in your relationship, and how to handle your last-ditch attempts to get things back on track.
When emotions are stuck within you – how can you use your creativity to get things moving? Sometimes the muse within you is a quiet whisper – other times screaming for your attention. Today we’ll talk about how to find the voice – and what to do once you have. And, towards the end, I’ll share a song with you that arrived after recording my last episode, on the process of going through a breakup and grieving. (song is at [19:20])
When it comes to breaking up, is there a right way to do it? How long should it take for you to get over your ex? How do you know when it’s time to see someone new? How do you deal with the way that your ex is handling the breakup? In this week’s episode, we’re going to cover what’s “normal” in the breakup experience, and how to make sure that you focus on your grieving in a way that’s most likely to lead to growth – so you can avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationship.
When you’re stuck in conflict, how do you step outside of the situation enough to identify ways to break the patterns that are keeping you stuck? Especially in ongoing conflict, just doing more of the same isn’t going to change your outcome. Our guest is Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler, author of Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life. We’ll talk about practical, effective strategies you can use to escape the conflict loop – and, thus, get different results!
Do you ever feel like you *should* have gotten over something challenging – that you’ve grown, and learned from the experience, but that on some level it still haunts you? Or do you feel inner conflict around decisions that seem like they should be relatively clear-cut? Are you afraid of failure? It could very well be that you have bypassed or suppressed your negative emotions, and that they’re now stuck inside you, wreaking havoc on your inner guidance system. By not facing failures or challenges head on, we actually create an emotional dissonance within ourselves that’s an obstacle to moving forward. Today we’ll talk about how to face things when they’re not quite the way you want them to be – and how to develop the inner honesty that will help you feel aligned and courageous no matter what’s happening in your life.
When your partner is unmotivated to change and has resorted to stonewalling – or blaming everything on you – what can you do? If you’re a therapist working with a couple in this situation, you’ll learn some valuable ways to directly address this issue and change the dynamics. In today’s episode, we have a return visit from Peter Pearson. He is a co-founder, with Ellyn Bader, of The Couples Institute, one of the leading centers for training couples therapists and helping people find practical solutions to relationship issues.
Do you ever procrastinate? If you’re looking for a way to finally stop putting things off – and get them done – then today’s episode is for you. As a follow-up to a session with me on being overwhelmed, David Burns has returned for a session to help me with my own procrastination. You’ll get to hear what works, what doesn’t, and – if you’re a therapist or coach – how to help other people with their procrastination. David Burns…
How do you talk about your feelings – without your partner getting reactive and defensive? There are some common mistakes that we make when talking about our feelings that can lead to it going horribly wrong. In today’s episode, we’ll cover ways that you can adjust how you talk about your feelings so that you’ll be most likely to stay connected – even if you’re bringing up some hard stuff. And you’ll learn what to do if you notice your partner making these mistakes as well when they talk about their feelings with you.
I have been looking for a podcast like this for a long time I can’t thank you enough! Thanks again Erin’s
Amazing relationship advice whether being single or in a couple
February 1, 2022 by JaninaCostaRica from Canada
Hi Neil, you’re really interesting to listen to. I have been listening to your podcast for quite some time, and also went through a breakup while listening to your podcast. It was so moving and yet interesting to hear you going through your own breakup while doing the podcast. It taught me that breakups don’t have to be bad and that not all relationships can be healed. Thanks for what you do. Please keep the podcast coming 🙂 !
January 19, 2022 by Mitko I. from Bulgaria
A ton of value, keep rocking!
January 3, 2022 by Cee_Senn from United States
This is the most insightful relationship podcast I’ve ever listened to. I especially love the episodes that Neil does alone, because it’s his wisdom and depth of knowledge and experience that i think brings so much value. My husband and I are also clients of him, and he is WONDERFUL. Neil is able to see things that one or both of us do not say, and stayed it in a way that we are able to “hear” it and consider change.
love this podcast
October 20, 2021 by sofia.v from Australia
this podcast have really help me to put things in perpective in many dificults times!