If you have an insecure attachment style (or your partner does – or both of you do) – can you have a healthy relationship? And how do you know if an issue that comes up is something that you’ll actually be able to fix? Avoidant, anxious, island, wave – or secure – sure, it’s helpful to be able to identify your attachment style – but what can you actually do about the unhealthy patterns that arise? Today we’re going to talk about what it really looks like to move from insecure to secure attachment – and how to get out of an unhealthy dynamic into something more positive.
Have you ever gone through a major life change, and then, in retrospect, wondered how you could have possibly been living the way that you were living? Everything seemed so great at the time, right? Or, at least, great enough. But when the spell is broken, and the veil is lifted – suddenly everything looks different. Hindsight is 20/20 – and one of life’s biggest challenges is to see things accurately in the moment. In today’s episode you’ll get strategies to get past how you *wish* things were – in order to see things as they actually are.
Modern dating can be so challenging. Simply finding good people is challenging. Knowing how to take a relationship to the next level, when to commit, or when to get out of a relationship so that you can find something better – that’s challenging! Today we’re going to focus on all the ways that you can get out of your own way, and use the power of behavioral science to make better choices and break old patterns as you navigate the world of modern love. Our guest is Logan Ury, author of the new book “How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science that Will Help You Find Love”. You’ll find that there are all sorts of ways for you to adjust what you do to make the kinds of decisions that lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections.
When you want to shift something in your life, sometimes the scale of the change can seem daunting. So how do you get from point A to point B (or…point Z) in a way that’s actually doable – and sustainable? It can be tempting to take drastic actions to make big changes – but you might sabotage your changes by falling into your old habits. Today we’ll talk about how you can create positive changes in your relationship, or something else in your life, in a way that’s practical, and relatively easy – no matter how big the change.
Are ultimatums ever a good idea? If so – when? If not, what can you do instead? What should you do if you receive an ultimatum from your partner? And how do you undo the damage that an ultimatum can do to a relationship? In this episode, we’re going to cover all the ins and outs of what to do when you come up against a dealbreaker in your relationship, and how to handle your last-ditch attempts to get things back on track.
When emotions are stuck within you – how can you use your creativity to get things moving? Sometimes the muse within you is a quiet whisper – other times screaming for your attention. Today we’ll talk about how to find the voice – and what to do once you have. And, towards the end, I’ll share a song with you that arrived after recording my last episode, on the process of going through a breakup and grieving. (song is at [19:20])
When it comes to breaking up, is there a right way to do it? How long should it take for you to get over your ex? How do you know when it’s time to see someone new? How do you deal with the way that your ex is handling the breakup? In this week’s episode, we’re going to cover what’s “normal” in the breakup experience, and how to make sure that you focus on your grieving in a way that’s most likely to lead to growth – so you can avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationship.
When you’re stuck in conflict, how do you step outside of the situation enough to identify ways to break the patterns that are keeping you stuck? Especially in ongoing conflict, just doing more of the same isn’t going to change your outcome. Our guest is Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler, author of Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life. We’ll talk about practical, effective strategies you can use to escape the conflict loop – and, thus, get different results!
Do you ever feel like you *should* have gotten over something challenging – that you’ve grown, and learned from the experience, but that on some level it still haunts you? Or do you feel inner conflict around decisions that seem like they should be relatively clear-cut? Are you afraid of failure? It could very well be that you have bypassed or suppressed your negative emotions, and that they’re now stuck inside you, wreaking havoc on your inner guidance system. By not facing failures or challenges head on, we actually create an emotional dissonance within ourselves that’s an obstacle to moving forward. Today we’ll talk about how to face things when they’re not quite the way you want them to be – and how to develop the inner honesty that will help you feel aligned and courageous no matter what’s happening in your life.
When your partner is unmotivated to change and has resorted to stonewalling – or blaming everything on you – what can you do? If you’re a therapist working with a couple in this situation, you’ll learn some valuable ways to directly address this issue and change the dynamics. In today’s episode, we have a return visit from Peter Pearson. He is a co-founder, with Ellyn Bader, of The Couples Institute, one of the leading centers for training couples therapists and helping people find practical solutions to relationship issues.
Excellent episode about Making Marriage Last. The chemistry between Marlo and Phil after all these years was palpable. Such wisdom and insight. I will listen to this episode again.
Let’s Dig Deep
November 10, 2020 by KDKay1 from United States
I have mentioned your podcast several times on my podcast Living Connected - NVC
I have taken so many notes on each episode. I find the things you say are so real and honest and true. Keep up the hard work. I feel your grief and you are not alone. I will continue sharing your podcast. You are that good!! I have learned and Evolved in so many ways Bc of you. Thank you. 🥰❤️
Soooo many juicy nuggets within these episodes!
September 5, 2020 by Gina Swire Self Love Expert from United Kingdom
Wow, I’ve listened to quite a few episodes and LOVE what I hear. Thank you for this wisdom. Much appreciated and helpful! 💖
August 7, 2020 by Hessboogie from United States
Recently discovered this podcast after a tough conversation with my partner. I realized that I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to relationship and hoping to start the work. This podcast provides good tips and insight. Will continue listening!
Love this podcast!
July 2, 2020 by orit.krug from United States
Neil keeps it real in a way that’s inspiring and massively helpful, and at the same time... he helps us feel normal and hopeful that we are not alone in our relationship struggles. I so appreciate him sharing his own relatable stories that feel SO supportive to my own relationship growth!