198: Healing Your Earliest Attachment Wounds – with Peter Levine

198: Healing Your Earliest Attachment Wounds – with Peter Levine

How would you know if there were experiences from the earliest moments of your life affecting you here and now? And if you are indeed being impacted by the distant past – what can you do to heal those early traumas so that you’re more free and connected in your current life? Our guest today is Peter Levine, creator of Somatic Experiencing, and author of many bestselling books on healing trauma – “Waking the Tiger”, “In an Unspoken Voice”, and “Trauma and Memory” – just to name a few! Today you’ll learn how to recognize the signs of these deep emotions, and what to do to regulate them, as well as how to help our co-regulate with your partner, to build a stronger, more resilient foundation for your relationship (and within yourself).

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197: Sexy Consent – Deeper Intimacy with Neil Sattin

197: Sexy Consent – Deeper Intimacy with Neil Sattin

Do you want one surefire way to know if the way you’re interacting with your partner is something that they’re into? Get their consent! Is there a place for getting consent even in a long-term relationship where you’re pretty sure you know what your partner wants (and doesn’t want)? Absolutely! It turns out that getting consent is a pathway to deeper intimacy and presence – for ALL relationships. In today’s episode, you’ll learn how to re-introduce the language of consent into your relationship in a way that’s empowering for both you and your partner, and you’ll discover exactly why your “no” creates even more relationship health than your “yes”. Along the way, you’ll strengthen the trust and fuel the passion in your connection.

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196: Harnessing the Transformative Power of Your Core Emotions – The Change Triangle with Hilary Jacobs Hendel

196: Harnessing the Transformative Power of Your Core Emotions – The Change Triangle with Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Beneath anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame, are core emotions that are hardwired into our circuitry. When you’re able to tap into the core emotions – and move through them – you’ll feel a new sense of freedom and empowerment – with the ability to handle anything that life sends your way. Our guest today is Hilary Jacobs Hendel. She’s a psychotherapist and the author of the new book, “It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self,” which will definitely be a game changer for you. Today she has some practical tips for you on how to identify and work through these core emotions, so that you don’t get stuck in the secondary emotions that can get in your way.

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195: How to Turn a Negative View of Your Partner into Something Positive

195: How to Turn a Negative View of Your Partner into Something Positive

As much as we don’t like to admit it, we all hold a vivid image in our minds of our partner at their worst. When things start to go a bit off the rails in our relationship, this negative image can sometimes be all we see. And the bad news is, your partner also holds a core negative image – of you! Thankfully, we also have a core *positive* image – which is part of what keeps us in relationship when things get challenging. Based on the groundbreaking work of Terry Real, the core negative image is an important tool in elevating your relationship. In today’s episode, you’ll learn why it’s so important to get to know the core negative images that are at play in your relationship – and also how to use these negative images to help improve your relationship. Don’t deny that they’re there – know them and use them as a force for good!

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194: Heart vs. Head: Mismatched Processing Styles with Sue Johnson

194: Heart vs. Head: Mismatched Processing Styles with Sue Johnson

What do you do if you want to have conversations about emotions with your partner, and all they want to do is talk about how they think about things? Or vice versa? In today’s episode, we dropped in with Sue Johnson for a few minutes to get her take on this question. Sue Johnson is the author of “Hold Me Tight” and the creator of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) – and has trained thousands of couples therapists in her methods. Sue also reveals one thing that you can do, today, to add positive energy to ANY relationship.

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193: How Mindfulness Can Ignite Passion – Buddha’s Bedroom with Cheryl Fraser

193: How Mindfulness Can Ignite Passion – Buddha’s Bedroom with Cheryl Fraser

<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Remember that spark you had with your partner when you first met? Butterflies in your stomach. Constantly checking for a text message or call from them. Daydreaming about your next date. Well, how do you get that back after you’ve settled into a routine of work, home, dinner, dishes, mouthguard, sleep? How about after a year? Five years? Or even a decade? Today you’ll learn how to use mindfulness techniques rediscover what’s amazing about your partner. Today’s guest is Dr. Cheryl Fraser. Cheryl combines her knowledge of how the mind works from a psychological and Buddhist perspective with her mission to help people create sexy, passionate, playful relationships. She’s also the author of</span> <em><span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy</span></em><span style=”font-weight: 400;”>.</span>

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192: When Love Vanishes or Affairs Happen – What To Do? – Your Questions Answered

192: When Love Vanishes or Affairs Happen – What To Do? – Your Questions Answered

What do you do if your partner tells you that they don’t love you anymore – or, maybe, that they think they never actually loved you? What are your next steps if your partner had an affair? These are all varying degrees of “leaning out” of your relationship. So – how do you respond in a way that has the best chance of not only preserving your sanity and dignity – but also, potentially, re-igniting your relationship? In today’s episode I answer two listener questions and get to the heart of what to do, and how to get to the truth, in these situations.

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191: How It All Fits Together with Keith Witt

191: How It All Fits Together with Keith Witt

With so many different potential approaches to helping your relationship, how do you choose the one that’s right for you? And how do you make sense of them all together? John and Julie Gottman, Sue Johnson, Esther Perel, David Schnarch, Stan Tatkin, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, Terry Real – they’re all describing different ways of getting the same thing – a loving, thriving, passionate relationship. Today we’re going to tackle how it all fits together, so you’re better prepared to steer your own relation-ship. To help us integrate in a way that makes it practical and clear, we’ve invited Dr. Keith Witt back to the show. Keith Witt is an integral psychologist, which gives him a unique perspective in making sense of all these roads that lead to Rome.

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190: How to Truly Be Yourself in Your Relationship

190: How to Truly Be Yourself in Your Relationship

Are you worried that your partner might not like you for who you truly are? And if you notice that you’ve been not entirely “you” in your relationship – how do you shift gears and create a context that supports more authenticity? Sometimes we discover something new about ourselves. Other times we knew all along that there were aspects that we’ve been hiding. Or we might act one way when we’re trying to attract our partner – only to then feel trapped into being that “super-enticing” version of ourselves…forever. In today’s episode, I show you exactly how to bridge the gap into truly being yourself – and how to invite your partner to be more authentic with you. In the end it will be a relief for both of you to be who you are – and to set yourself free from the shackles of society’s expectations!

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189: From Disconnection and Loneliness to Aliveness and Intimacy – AEDP for Couples with David Mars

189: From Disconnection and Loneliness to Aliveness and Intimacy – AEDP for Couples with David Mars

How do you actually heal old attachment wounds in partnership – so you can create passionate, secure attachment with your partner? Today you’ll learn how to connect with your partner powerfully, in the present moment, to rewire your brain, break unhealthy patterns, and find the joy and wonder that’s waiting for you just below the surface. Our guest today is Dr. David Mars, the creator of AEDP for Couples. He specializes in helping couples heal attachment wounds and traumas, find each other again in the present, and create a joyful, passionate vision for their future together. His work can help you if you’re in a new relationship, or if you’ve been with your partner for 30 years. David integrates more than 30 years of experience as a couples therapist with today’s cutting edge neuroscience – and you’ll see exactly how that allows you to get into really deep touch with your own experience, with your partner’s experience – and how to bridge the gap between you. I’m so excited for you to experience David Mars’s work, and to see how AEDP for Couples can offer you something new in how you show up in your relationship!

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Podcast Reviews

  • Not a Substitute for Therapy but Pretty Dang Close
    July 4, 2019 by FreeziePop from United States

    As a therapist myself, I use this as supplemental to my partner’s and my couple’s counseling with positive outcomes. Well produced show with extremely knowledgeable and well known/renowned guests (in the mental health field).

  • Remarkable Resource
    July 1, 2019 by Brandon MS from United States

    Neil is a gifted interviewer who brings information that is helpful for laypeople as well as professionals. I am a marriage and family therapist, as a busy mom and clinician I have found this podcast extremely helpful in pointing me toward what I want to invest time reading more about. I often forward podcasts to my clients to have them listen as well. Thank you Neil!

  • Great and helpful interviews
    June 18, 2019 by Lazercats from United States

    Neil has a great interview style and has interesting and knowledgeable people on his show. Very helpful for my relationships.

  • Self-help / relationship psych Podcast excellence!
    June 7, 2019 by PNW_transplant from United States

    Extremely professional interviewing style that lets the podcast guests shine and makes for informative, easy to absorb and learn from episodes. An excellent array of guests! Thank you for such a great resource!

  • Learned a lot
    June 6, 2019 by Daphbrog from United States

    I hate the name of this podcast. Look past that. I have enjoyed it so much and learned so much. He gets great guest and is a good interviewer