153: Turn Blame into Something Positive – with Neil Sattin

153: Turn Blame into Something Positive – with Neil Sattin

Are you someone who blames yourself when things go wrong? Or do you tend to blame other people? Even though we might think of blame as a negative thing, in today's episode I'm going to show you how to use your blame (whether it's self-directed or pointed at others) to truly learn and grow when things don't turn out quite as you're expecting. This 4-step process will transform your experience of blame, so that it becomes a way to deepen your connection with yourself and others.

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152: Get Unstuck and onto the Same Team – Relationship Development with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

152: Get Unstuck and onto the Same Team – Relationship Development with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

As your relationship changes, are things getting better and better? Or have you gotten stuck along the way? If you get stuck – how do you get unstuck? And no matter what happens, how do you foster a sense of collaboration, of being on the “same team” with your partner? Today’s guests, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, have charted the course of how relationships develop – in fact, they created the “Developmental Model” for working with couples. Along with practical experience from having helped many couples, Ellyn and Peter are among the leaders in the field of training couples therapists to become more effective. Their book for therapists, In Quest of the Mythical Mate: A Developmental Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy is a classic that has stood the test of time – unlike many other books and theories that have come and gone. Today you’ll learn how to figure out where you’re stuck in your relationship, and how to be on the same team as you steer things back in a healthier direction.

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151: How to Stop Coping and Start Growing

151: How to Stop Coping and Start Growing

You know all those ways that you've learned to cope over the years? The little things that you do that distract you from feeling uncomfortable, or bored, or stressed? While some coping strategies are positive for you, others rob you of the chance to actually either deal with what's there, or to fully experience the moment – to be present. Developing your ability to be present, to dive into the moment without distracting yourself, is the key to keeping things connected and energized with your partner. Today you're going to learn how to identify your coping strategies, decide whether they're serving you or not, and how to transform your habits of distraction and coping into new, positive habits.

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150: Attachment Styles and Relationship Repair – with Stan Tatkin

150: Attachment Styles and Relationship Repair – with Stan Tatkin

What’s the best way to overcome conflict in your relationship? How does it change based on your attachment style? And can you use what we know about our biology, and our memory, to keep a relationship from getting past the point of no return? In today’s episode, we’re blessed with a return visit from Stan Tatkin. Along with training couples therapists and conducting workshops for couples all over the world, Stan is the author of Wired for Love, Wired for Dating, and the recent audio program from SoundsTrue – RelationshipRx: Insights and Practices to Overcome Chronic Fighting and Return to Love. Stan’s work blends Attachment Theory with Interpersonal Neurobiology, helping couples leverage science to succeed in long term relationships. It’s always a treat to have him here on the show, and our conversation today will give you fresh insights into how to fight, how to repair, and how to transform conflict into something that helps you and your partner grow closer together.

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149: Getting Back Together with an Ex – Should You? How to do it right.

149: Getting Back Together with an Ex – Should You? How to do it right.

hould you get back together with your ex? How do you know if it’s a good idea? And, once you’ve decided that it’s a good idea, how do you get back together with the best chance of succeeding? Let’s face it – things didn’t work out the first time around. What can you do to prevent history from repeating itself? In today’s episode, I’ll give you the exact questions to ask (yourself, AND your ex) that will help you figure out whether or not it’s a good idea. And then we’ll cover what to do to increase your chances of getting it right this time around. Along the way, you’ll learn great questions to ask yourself before you enter into ANY new relationship – or how to create a structure to support the relationship that you’re currently in.

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148: How to Strengthen the Safety and Resilience of Your Relationship – with Gabrielli LaChiara

148: How to Strengthen the Safety and Resilience of Your Relationship – with Gabrielli LaChiara

What are some practical ways to build safety in your relationship? To get back to love when you’re in conflict? And to create such a solid background of safety and positive energy in your relationship that you can withstand the inevitable bumps along the way? One of the most important skills for you to develop is the ability to come back when things go a bit off-the-rails. In today’s episode, we’re going to give you a tool to help you when times are challenging – and to put even more positive energy in the relationship bank account when things are going well – or even just neutral. Our guest is Gabrielli LaChiara, a teacher and friend whose work has been fundamental in the growth of my own relationship, as well as my coaching and healing work with clients. In our conversation today, Gabrielli blends some of the techniques of Howard Glasser’s Nurtured Heart approach with her own Infinity Healing practice to give you something you can start doing right away to boost your relationship.

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147: A Simple, Radical Way to Improve Your Ability to Connect

147: A Simple, Radical Way to Improve Your Ability to Connect

What’s stopping you from having the kind of connection with others that you want? Whether you’re in a relationship and feeling stuck with your partner, or single and wondering how to connect with someone amazing – today’s episode is for you. You’re going to learn a simple way to shift how you interact with others that will open you up to a much more alive, dynamic, exciting way to connect. You’ll also know how to recognize when it’s time to make a boundary and NOT connect.

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146: How and Why to Have a Good Divorce – with Constance Ahrons

146: How and Why to Have a Good Divorce – with Constance Ahrons

What’s the recipe for a successful divorce? If you’ve tried everything, and it’s time to separate or get divorced – how do you do it well, so that you (and your soon-to-be-ex) emerge relatively unscathed? And if you have children, how do you ensure that they are also not traumatized by the process? In this week’s episode, our guest is Dr. Constance Ahrons, one of the world’s leading experts in how to navigate divorce well. Her book, The Good Divorce was a groundbreaking work that studied the effects of divorce on children – and identified exactly what kinds of post-divorce relationships had the best outcomes. In my conversation with Dr. Ahrons, you’ll learn exactly what to do, what not to do, and how to salvage a situation that’s already not going well.

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145: Core Relationship Principles #3 – Fostering Curiosity and Dismantling Limiting Stories – with Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin

145: Core Relationship Principles #3 – Fostering Curiosity and Dismantling Limiting Stories – with Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin

How do you stay curious in your relationship? And how do you get rid of the stories that you tell yourself – about your partner (or about yourself) – that are holding you back? This is the third episode of our “Core Relationship Principles” series. Chloe Urban and I show you exactly how to know when it’s time to bring your curiosity back online, how to identify when a “story” is getting in your way, and what to do to make the shift. Some stories can empower you, for sure – but the more that you’re able to get out of you story and into reality, the better your relationship will be. After listening to this episode, you’ll have some solid strategies for infusing your relationship with curiosity and the powerful truth of “what is”.

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144: Extreme Self Care for a Healthy Relationship – with Cheryl Richardson

144: Extreme Self Care for a Healthy Relationship – with Cheryl Richardson

Have you ever felt like everyone else’s needs come first? Have you wondered how you’re supposed to show up in your relationship, or for your family, if you’re exhausted and not feeling nourished and supported yourself? How do you make the shift so that you feel full enough to have something extra to offer those around you? In today’s episode, we’re going to cover the art of Extreme Self Care – so that you can learn how to make boundaries and take better care of yourself (and why that’s so important for the health of your relationship). Our guest is Cheryl Richardson, professional coach and New York Times Bestselling author of several books, including Take Time for Your Life, and her most recent book, Waking Up in Winter. Cheryl Richardson was literally one of the first professional coaches, and her decades of experience will help you reclaim your life, find your center, and bring your best self to your relationships

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Podcast Reviews

  • Amazing relationship help!
    August 6, 2018 by Neos lawn care from United States

    I’ve been listening to this podcast for over a year now. Neil stays current and offers some of the best guests and topics I’ve come across. Very helpful and applies to what I’ve been looking for! Thanks Neil 💗 you’ve helped my relationship in many ways!

  • It’s been a worthwhile journey
    July 31, 2018 by Scarfgirl from United States

    I subscribed to this podcast while I was trying to fix my broken marriage, but only really started listening during my divorce. So I haven’t been in a romantic relationship for most of the time that I have listened to this podcast, but it’s been a real pleasure to be exposed to so many researchers and authors I would not have otherwise found and their knowledge as well. This podcast has improved my relationship with myself, my kids, my family and my friends. It has also kept me aware of what is possible in a *good*/amazing/fully committed relationship during what could be a time of contraction and despair. I always learn something here, and I really relish the opportunity to bring this learning into *so* many different areas of my life, perhaps most of all my relationship to myself. I feel like I’m a walking testament to the power of this podcast and the transferable skills and knowledge Neil and Chloe bring to light. I don’t know if I will ever be in a romantic relationship again, but if I am, I feel very confident that I will bring more capacity for joy, presence, good communication, possibility and growth than I did at other times in my life; I have Neil to thank, in part, for that. So thanks Neil & keep it coming - I am listening!

  • The Best Podcast on Relationships
    July 24, 2018 by Elizak1 from United States

    This podcast was one of the first podcasts I began listening to and it's the reason I'm now a podcast addict! Some podcasts you listen to for a couple weeks or a month and than it gets old - this is not one of those podcasts! This podcast is fresh and new and ALIVE every time. Neil goes deeper than most podcasters are willing to go and, as a result, this podcast will take you deeper than you could imagine. Neil is one of the best interviewers I've ever listened to. This podcast transformed my life and my relationship. Thank you Neil!

  • Oops I think I review this one on accident BUT
    May 29, 2018 by monicajacobsiam from United States

    Please know I looooove your podcast !!!!

  • Very helpful!!
    April 15, 2018 by shan96kb from United States

    I love this podcast. I learn something every episode. Thanks Neil!