Thanks for writing. It certainly sounds like you’re going through some tough times. A couple things occur to me.

First, right off the bat, I have to say that your husband’s extreme emotional shifts sound…odd. Like there’s something else going on within him, some other struggle that perhaps he hasn’t told you about yet. Not that he’s “hiding” something, per se – just that maybe, for whatever reason, he hasn’t felt able to bring it up with you. Which isn’t to excuse his behavior, which is unacceptable. But I find that, in general, it’s always a good idea to assume that the other person has positive intentions behind their actions, even when their actions, on the face, seem negative. You mentioned “having to move out of your current house” which suggests that you’re going through some very stressful times. It’s not easy to go through adversity, especially when you’re feeling isolated from each other instead of connected.

Second – if you have needs that are going unfulfilled, then the odds are pretty good that he does as well. Let’s face it – in marriage, it’s easy to just kinda proceed from day-to-day, and to lose sight of the attention required to actually keep a relationship alive and thriving. The good news is that most of the time these are problems that are easily solvable, once each partner has the opportunity to talk about their needs and show the other person how to best meet them. For instance, maybe he senses that you’re thinking about leaving. And doesn’t know how to respond, so he reacts out of fear.

Third – I would say that given that you have children together, the *ideal* would be for the two of you to acknowledge that you’re having issues and to work on them – together. You could heal the conflict that’s currently dividing you, get on the same page, and go back to being good role models for your children in terms of how to have a thriving relationship with a spouse.

You might have better luck getting all of this out in the open with your husband in a non-confrontational way if you talk together with a 3rd party present. I’d be happy to work with the two of you together – which would give you a chance to get some real clarity on where each of you are at. In a way that would help you stay focused on getting to a positive place for your relationship. Or you could find someone local.

I will say that lately I have been learning some great strategies for getting couples on the same page. Which isn’t to say that ultimately you might make a different choice. But wouldn’t you want to know that you had truly exhausted your options before making such a drastic decision? If you and your husband truly come together, it could help you both navigate through your current situation and feel all the better for it.

You can find information on my coaching services by following this link.

Whatever you do – I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself and those kiddos!